No! You will not break in and steal our precious collection of empty vases! Our gates and fences — our many, many gates and fences, most in places you would not expect to find a gate or fence — will protect us.
(Found by Emma. And the rest of the listing is equally glorious.)
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Copy & paste this:
“Hello, is that the Black-and-White-Chequered-Floor-Tile Company? Do you give discounts on bulk orders? Like, by the square mile?”
“Hello, is that the White-Wrought-Iron-Railing-and-Gate shop? Do you give discounts on bulk orders?”
“Hello. is that the “Taste” shop? I’ve got LOADS of money and I would like to buy some taste, please. Hello? Hello? …….. Hey honey, they hung up on me!
LOL! My thoughts exactly. Kinda feels like we’ve gone down the rabbit hole.
I really felt like I was looking into Wonderland, they should turn it into a theme park for people on drugs
I can’t decide if this is awesome or hideous. Possibly with different furniture.
You know, about the only thing I’d change would be some paint, and some ceiling fixtures. Other than that, I think this place is pretty flockin’ awesome.
Seriously though, that Easter egg colored entrance has gotta go and the original owner better be taking that furniture.
I am posting this with the hope that then I can stop thinking about this house! The floor stays. It is awesome. White railings and the ‘head cheese’ (as mystic eye cda rightly calls it) stairs have to go. They are replaced by dark mission style wood. Big dark mission furniture everywhere with one or two funky MacKenzie-Childs pieces allowed per room. All the furniture present has to disappear except for the green dining room chairs. I agree with Wendy that they have to stay. They can have the table and all the chandeliers. I kinda like the door but it won’t work with my vision so it is gone, replaced by old/faux old mission doors. The main room gets purple walls downstairs and a darkish red upstairs. and then I can cope with the gold bathroom fixtures while I figure out the rest. Please now can I stop obsessing about it? help me…….
This looks like Alice in Wonderland!
SOMEWHERE in there…. is Puss ‘n Boots!
… or maybe a few tabs of high-powered blotter acid.
I give them kudos for decorating as they damn’ well please. Black and white checkered (or chequered, it being Australia) with bright furniture and bedspreads that might clash? Lots of wrought iron that nowadays is probably not actually wrought? Go for it!
And where did they get that charming variable-rhombic floor tile? Everyone seems to stock only rectilinear, apart from occasional hexagons and octagons.
Oh, that’s just from the fish-eye lens? Curses.
What is it about this place that makes me think Willy Wonka lives there?
And what is that next to the tub? A urinal? (which I wouldn’t want THAT close to the place I bathe). Or a sink for the vertically-challenged (who makes up for her insecurities by living in rooms which are stretched ever so high)?
In addition to the Black-and-White-Chequered-Floor-Tile Company and the White-Wrought-Iron-Railing-and-Gate shop, I’m betting this person also has stock in the Elaborite-Chandelier Factory. Right over the bed, too.. haven’t they ever seen Phantom of the Opera??
Actually, it’s not a urinal; it’s a bidet, which is used in lieu of toilet paper. If you want to know more, just google it.
ahh, a bidet. Yes, I know what a bidet is.. just didn’t think of that.
It’s for washing feet, right?
Ha ha ha ha …. !!!!
Or it’s the most epic game of chess ever conceived.
“Move Queen #7 to R159. Check!”
“Queens can’t attack through fences! You’ll have to move around.”
That game be even more awesome than the house itself! There’d be a full scale battle if you play throughout the house itself. Might take a while, but hey, you’d live there.
Um, I actually kind of dig this.
Is there something wrong with me?
I actually think it’s gorgeous (except for the furniture), so if there’s something wrong with you then it’s wrong with me too =x
The problem with wrought iron is that it’s not privacy friendly. Bath night must be a logistical nightmare at Cinderella’s palace.
Rhonda, that’s not a urinal: that’s a bidet.
This house is awesome…..I want it badly.
I have a hard time believe that this decorating was done intentionally. It has the feeling more in the line of “I own a flooring and decor store and this black and white tile does not sell and I have a canceled large order of Chiffon yellow paint. I know, I use it in my house! Oh! and I have some if that red tile left over I can use it in the bathroom. I thought those purple oval double doors should have sold by now, it’s been five years since I ordered them.”
This has absolutely been deliberately done. It’s in/ or close to Melboure. Melbourne has an ENORMOUS Greek population (like second to Athens). The white concrete pillars, the huge brick veneer house, the gold-plated fixtures complete with multiple bidets, chandelier, wrought iron and faux french furniture. This is a 70s/80s Greek palace. Think my big fat greek wedding and then multiply it by 1000.
That explains why it looks like the in-laws house in My Big, Fat Greek Wedding. I’m looking for the Windex.
Word. Greeks and/or Italians in Melbourne tend to decorate on the idea that the bigger and more ostentatious your home is, the more respect you will garner from your peers. True George?
So true Kazzy. Don’t know if you ever saw the skit Santo Cilauro did on The Late Show in the 90s when he went to his uncles house to show the architecture and furnishings (think concrete balcony made to look like logs + assorted marble tables). It was incredible. Wonder if it’s on youtube. It’s on the best of dvd. I think it was called Healthy wealthy and woggy.
is a link to the video you mention.
I am mesmerized by this house….
whoops that first link was more the backyard – here’s the house.
Is it me or is there a giant stainless steel sink in the yard? I swear I see one in the picture that shows the pool!
Yes that is a stainless steel sink in the yard, by the pool. There’s probably a BBQ and a fridge just out of the shot.
Also, I think, a blue swing set past the sink?
PS Sara how did you not post the swan’s head bath faucet?
I … I love this chamber of horrors. I wish to move in immediately.
oh dear lord.
i think they didn’t take their meds quite as often as the doctor said they should. or didn’t buy them from the doctor at all.
eek.
NO. Way. The Mad Hatter has to live here, seriously.
I want it.
i imagine this si what Dali’s house must have looked like. it’s georgeous!! i wonder hwo much they want for it… also, am i the ony one who sees faces in the garages?
I find it amusing that, despite the palatial size of all of the rooms, the black tiled bathroom still has a sink positioned in the perfect spot for a person brushing their teeth to get whacked in the ass by a doorknob. I know whereof I speak.
What hath hell wrought? Now we know the answer: wrought iron…white wrought iron.
By the way, I have been nursing a headache all day. It was finally receding ’til I looked at this listing. Now it’s back full force.
Sorry about that. Also sorry about any vertigo that may be creeping over readers…
It looks like the house from the movie, Ruthless People!
I freaking want this.
I second George. It is in an outer Melbourne suburb – we have a huge Greek population. There would be literally thousands of houses all over Melbourne, decorated like this!
This place looks like an accoustical nightmare. The screams that echo throughout the house when people walk in can’t possibly help…
This is about half an hour away from my house — I’m tempted to go for a drive and see it in reality! Being an architecture student and all, I think I could really get some inspiration from there….
I don’t know what it is with bidets, either — some of my friends rent a house with one, although it’s never been used. This house could almost be the equivalent to this, except built ten years later, and without that unfortunate floor (it’s peach ceramic tile instead — much more beautiful!)
I just noticed, in the 3rd picture down, above the window at the top of the stairs, there seem to be a host of angels appearing through the wall.
Yeah, see, if I saw the outside I’d be all “Cool!” and then when I walked in I’d feel like I was being shouted at. I don’t want my home shouting at me.
1st thought…this couldn’t all be in one house…2nd thought, should have ate breakfast before looking at this blog, now I feel queasy ! (New idea for losing weight?)
You’ll stay in that bathroom until you’re clean, dammit!
My thoughts exactly. “You’ll be eligible for parole in 3 weeks, Billy, IF you’ve washed behind your ears by then. Don’t you think the parole board is smart enough to check behind your ears? Don’t you???”
omg total hallucinogenic drug trip.. this is awesome!
I think the cat threw up a giant fur ball on the living room floor. Or spilled a large pot of furry ink. Or maybe it’s really a portal to hell. Yes, I think it’s a portal to hell.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed the giant ink blot/portal to hell on the checkered floor…I wasn’t going to say anything for fear that it would come through the webpage & suck me in! No wait, ….maybe it’s an escape portal from all that black-&-white checkered madness?!
I think it looks like someone took a sharpie marker to the pics to cover up a dead body lmao
no offense. but please, someone tell stevie wonder he shouldnt be a decorator…
Hillarious! If you pull up this listing on Google Maps, there is (unbelievably) yet another gate!
http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&source=hp&q=153+heaths+road+hoppers+crossing&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=153+Heaths+Rd,+Hoppers+Crossing+VIC+3029,+Australia&gl=us&ei=X-24Ss6BIJGysgPu6IUo&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1
It’s facing a busy two-lane highway.
Not only does it need a big fence but it needs sound-proofing as well.
Reminds me of a Tom Petty video
Yeah, right … I like that video.
Well, there sure is a lot of symmetry going on there!
My wife said it looked like Willy Wonka’s house.. LOL
PS does anyone else think the stairs look like they are made of head cheese? Or some kind of jello salad (sorry I’m from a non-jello salad culture so I don’t know what kind would look like that? Marshmellows are too round? Some kind of nougat?)
Seriously why not stick with the black and white?
Oh. My. God.
I’ve always thought (and joked openly) that I have an overdeveloped sense of style and absolutely no taste whatsoever. I’ve said that if I picked my own clothes, I’d wind up looking like Elton John went to the Hippie Tie Dye Thrift Shop on an Acid Trip.
This confirms it. I WANT this house. It is now my ambition to BUY this house.
What’s really sad is that if I paint the entire thing black and red, I think my wife will back me on this purchasing decision.
I don’t know, I kinda like it..
This looks like something you might build in The Sims.
EXACTLY what i was thinking!!!
But it only has two bathrooms? Out of all that space, TWO bathrooms? Forget it.
I actually kind of like it…its different,but bright…i wouldn’t mind owning this house, i wonder how much it costs and if its furnished?
Did someone roll down the stairs and out that window at one time? What’s with the guardrail? Are they just that paranoid or did their homeowner’s policy require it?
Holy Mother of Barf.
The gated bathroom looks bigger than the Living Room. Or is that the fainting closet, for guests who can’t take it any more?
What a wog palace!! Amazing! The opulent garishness is astounding. Hehehe. Only in Melbourne.
I know man hey.
Feels like a walk through Thommo.
I think this house is great! It’s actually very well decorated, it’s just not the norm. And yes, like many people have said, I feel there’s a definite Alice In Wonderland feel to it. I’d love to live in this house and eat mushrooms all day long.
I confess. I love it too. It so-o-o beats all the faux Italian-looking monstrosities that are ever so common in the U.S.
In the swan-faucet bathroom — the mat in front of the toilet is disgustingly filthy. The mat in front of the bidet is still bright white. I guess they don’t use the bidet. But at least they could have moved the unwashed mats!
It looks like My Big Fat Greek Wedding meets Joe’s Tile Store meets the Goodwill! Floor to ceiling black and pink tile?? Black and white flooring…EVERYWHERE??? And the furniture looks like it was brought home in the back of a pickup truck from the local thrift store (or off the curb)! Gah! Hideous!
That furniture would most likely have come from here:
Incidentally, he tends to use less garish pieces in his advertisements. Visit one of his stores and you will be amazed!
Nasty. Also, why do people insist on hanging pictures so high up? I see it all the time, and it bothers the hell out of me.
I would live here. In a heartbeat. I would buy this place and demand that amazing vomit green dining room set. They can keep the drapes though, that’s just *such* a dated look…
Bad taste?? In Hoppers Crossing??? NEVAR!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Hmm, and I was thinking Springvale. ;P
I… I think I just fell in love with this house.
this house….oh muh gawsh….somehow, this reminds me of panic at the disco!
Am I the only one who keeps thinking of My Big Fat Greek Wedding?
I get the feeling that the Mad Hatter designed this house.
i had no idea this was the wogtastic house in hoppers!!! god i always wondered what it looked like inside… GAG MUCH?!?!?!
looked like this house was designed using The Sims
Very Alice-In-Wonderland-ish.
yeah, she can use that sink for when she shrinks!
I can picture the White Stripes posing for an album cover in this house.
I have smaller black and white checked tile in my master bath and love it. I was wondering recently how it would look throughout the rest of the house….. hmm…maybe not. I think that dining room would look great with purple walls though.
How could you go for that floor and then do creamy walls?
I actually really like this house. Reminds me of Alice in Wonderland.
wait…whats going on with the sink?
EH…uh…Not really my idea of warfare…At all…Nope…Not even close.