1. Remember in Poltergeist? Ya know…the graves under the pool? All the ghosts? Yeah, this is the recipe for the Wild Kingdom version of Poltergeist.

2. I have some vague idea in my head of some lovely, sincere, wise, elderly Native American gentlemen moaning in anguish and muttering something about “unsettled spirits” and “familiars.”

Besides, didn’t y’all know…all of us down in Texas are gun-toting, right-wing nutjobs who all love to hunt? Yeah…you probably wouldn’t want to visit…

Me: About this room… Do you have a place where you can store the trophies until after the sale?
Husband: I like them. I think they add class. (Yes, he seriously said that)
Me: Well, they might offend some people and we don’t want to scare away any potential buyers.
Husband: If they don’t like it, they don’t need to buy the damn house.
Me: I see. Well, it will help to make the room look bigger, too.
Wife: That makes sense.

Nothing else I said did though. In the end they moved them all. But the moose head with the 5′ rack took a couple weeks to find a home.

This is where you will spend all eternity.

The guy who did this, because you know it’s a guy, he’s going to spend all eternity in a place where the animals are armed. Holy smokes dude, I’m all for the food chain, but crikey.

(Just to prevent any possible flames erupting because of this, I’m kidding? Okay? Don’t yell at me for being critical, or yell at Hathor for making me cry.)