“If you can’t say anything nice, then what the hell are you doing with a blog on the Cheezburger network don’t say anything at all,” yes? Do not comment that it looks like someone painted the walls with melted MAC “Russian Red” lipstick they found in an 1980s time capsule?
They’re looking at me. I can tell. They want to touch me. They want to put their little doll hands in my hair. Please make them stop. Please. Please.
Mmm, a big serving of ectoplasm for dinner. Eat up, kids!
Found by: Cristina
Loveliest comment, by sally: Laugh all you want, but you have no idea how much it costs to wallpaper a bathroom in thinly-sliced wagyu beef.
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Those pillars look like they’re made of Raspberry Ripple ice cream. Is this the winter holiday home of the witch from Hanzel and Gretel?
I’ll bet Michaelangelo never encountered marble that color.
You know, that’s the first thing I noticed!
Mmmm… raspberry ripple… -drools-
It’s an evil doll army — RUN!!!!
Once when I was a child I ate too many hot dogs and vomited up the color of that bathtub. I had hoped to get through the rest of my life without seeing that color again.
WTF?
It looks like some kind of demented Las Vegas wedding chapel. The dolls are the “witnesses”. Choose a veil from our selection in the dining room. You can spend your honeymoon in the Bordello Room. Have some Jell-O on your way in! Don’t forget the en-suite whirlpool tub! You won’t be able to sleep because the “witnesses” will always be in the back of your mind, but hey, it’s your honeymoon! Who needs sleep?!
I know I should hate this and despise it and mock it mercilessly. The dolls do genuinely creep me out. But that first picture, the horrible over-the-top bathtub… it… just… makes… me… happy. Sigh.
I think it reminds me somehow of my grandmother.
There is something about that cream-and-red pattern…It looks…delicious…
Even though I know it’s so wrong, I love that pattern. WANT WANT WANT. (But not as wallpaper. “As what?!” did you say? I do not know.)
ice cream.
There’s so much that could (and no doubt will) be said about this house. I shall leave it at “some houses would be better shown empty.” (Because even then much of what’s left is hideous!)
Money ≠ Taste
Viewing this at 2am, my eyes told me there two big red floor mats in amongst pillars and flowers and pillars and flowers… but I feel much better now that I can have a bath with that man… watching…
Did they just… no, of course not, that’s silly. It’s a still photo of inanimate objects, they couldn’t have mov- THERE! THEY MOVED! I SAW IT! YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME!
Okay I am not the only one who is creeped out by the dolls. I was waiting for the theme music for the Twilight Zone to start…
You know the man of the house was left with the one tiny corner for his bar…and he proudly hung that Budweiser sign. Sadly, it didn’t work to scare off the dolls. They infiltrated the shelves.
The chair to the right of the bar picture is a hair salon chair.
“Sure, I’ll take a Bud. And a little off the sides, please.”
If you think the dolls are creepy now, just take a hit off the hookah in the foreground and then put on the fez and walk around naked just for shits and giggles.
And you’ve got the dumbek there for the drum circle later.
I literally physically shuddered when I read “put their little doll hands in my hair.” So congratulations on that!
My work here is done.
ohhh me too! It’s like i can feel them. How am i supposed to sleep??
Oh man, that first picture looks SO much like ice cream it’s making me hungry.
Even the awfulness of the other two aren’t quite killing my appetite.
I’ve seen too many pathology slides in my time and keep trying to diagnose the first picture.
The second one is just scary. I swear there are more dolls every time I look at it.
Three words: staging, staging and staging.
Bloody hell.
No, that’s it.
What’s up with the baseball cards lined up along the kitchen backsplash?
The bathroom does NOT look like food to me. It looks like a scene of carnage. I wish I had never seen it. It’s worse than the dolls! (Why do I compulsively return to this site? There are so many horrors!)
THANK YOU!
The first thought that came to my mind was a scene from Silent Hill when I saw that bathroom! Where people are getting delicious dairy delights are beyond me.
Noticing the Fez on the stand in the middle of the table, I wonder if the owner is a Shriner? Or a stage magician?
But those dolls – there’s eight of them, all serving and guarding the Queen of the Dolls. You know, nobody is going to enter and leave there without getting permission first.
You’ve heard of a flop-house. This is a fop-house.
HA! Good one.
Thankee (curtsying)
I am going to have nightmares about crazed marauding dolls. You know, the kind whose eyes glow red in the dark. Thanks. Thanks bunches.
The only thing missing is the plastic runners on the rugs.
Clearly use of the fez and hookah figured prominently in the owner’s decorating decision making process.
yes!
Any guesses as to why there is a seated portrait of Santa Claus in the back left corner of the doll room? My guess is that it’s his house, he’s a Shriner, and apparently likes a nip on the ‘Ol hookah now and then. Also note the reflection in the right most mirror in the tub picture. It’s hard to tell, but it appears as though that guy has gouged his own eyes out with a spoon.
Aaron’s comment above made me laugh, so I went back and looked at the photo again. There’s all sorts of craziness! The golden kneeling cherub/angel thing and all that other stuff on the side of the tub (looks like two shot glasses and some hard candies to me) makes me wonder how anyone could even get into that tub.
On the listing page there seems to be a statue of a mermaid serving a jello mold (the photo above the bloody bathroom). Much creepiness in a house that looks fine from the outside and has great views.
Oooooo, I think one of the most disturbing things is the presence of some children’s toys out on the patio. This just doesn’t say “family with kids” to me.
OmG there is a man in mirror! he’s watching me… him and those dolls.. *twitch* *twitch*
Several things come to mind:
1. More $ than sense.
2. Las Vegas gone wild!
3. A mafia don lives here.
4. The Portocullis family from “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” lives here!
$800K to buy the house, then another $200K to fix it. I do however LOVE the kitchen. It’s quite pretty and the landscaping is also pretty. I think my grandmother would have died and gone to Heaven in that house. It’s so her, even down to the pieces in the dining room!
The doll room. Think “Valley of the Dolls, the Sequel” but done with the budget of a YouTube video
Laugh all you want, but you have no idea how much it costs to wallpaper a bathroom in thinly-sliced wagyu beef.
Love it!
So now I know where the term bloodbath came from. Thinking the dolls had something to do with that, they could have at least cleaned the bathroom up afterwards.
Dolls? What dolls? I see the current owner’s children, all dressed up for First Communion, but– OH MY GOD!
*dialing phone with shaking fingers, while digging in handbag*
Xanax…where’s my Xanax?? Must find… Oh, hello! Is Doctor Shrinkenoggin in?
Now there is a man who loves his wife very much to put up with all that froo-froo crap. That is why the dolls had to kill him.
I used to think my mother’s fondness for Danish Modern and no tchochkes was dull…… after hanging around this site for a while, I’ve decided Mother. Was. Right.
(pardon me while I go call her and thank her for raising me in a clean-lined, calm & peaceful decor……)
You know, this actually isn’t that over the top.
I mean, in a way it is. Those dolls freak me out more than the Lovecraftian shower-portal in the post above it. And all the pink and cutesy would make me want to run away screaming like a beansidhe.
But it looks like it’s a very well-done reflection of *someone*’s taste. Not mine, not “most peoples”. But if you like “this sort of thing”, then it’s actually very well done.
I can imagine that if I knew the person who lived here, I would look at this and think “WOW! This is so YOU!” (and not in a euphamistially-insulting way, but rather in a sincere way.)
Essentially, I think there IS a difference between “badly decorated” and “well decorated in a style I don’t like”, and this falls in the latter category.
I agree. It might be what people go around calling “overthought,” but I think they secretly mean that there isn’t room for any of their own changes when they say that. Some people are afraid of dolls because they look almost-but-not-quite alive, and the “lifelike” arrangement aggravates that discomfort. If only the dolls weren’t arranged like debutantes on the carpet, they’d be a little less uncanny.
ya know … I think the hookah on the table pretty much explains it all. On a related note, I’d like to get my hands on some of what they’re smoking.
My first thought upon seeing the pillar picture was, “Where did they get all that raspberry cheesecake? And when did my dad have time to bake it?”
What they’re smoking has gotta be meth, ‘cuz dear gob who could ever sleep with those dolls in the house? It’s like something out of a nightmare insane asylum.
Someone lives here… Who would live here? Jackie Collins? Tammy Faye Baker?
It reminds me of my MIL’s house. She’s decorated the bathrooms so much it’s almost impossible to use them for their intended purpose(s).
Cutsey grandma with no more hubby and more money than she needs. The fez and hooka are shrine(r?)s to the deceased and the rest is allll grandma from her cherubs in the bathtub to the pink frou frous around the dining room table and the grandkids toys outside. And the dolls. Especially the dolls. (eyes glazing over in disbelief) My grandma had a fake bobbin’ head doggie in her back foyer and the croched toilet-paper doll for the back of the toilet but nothing as bad as that. Wow.
My mother would love this house. Then again, she does make porcelain dolls as a hobby – and, if I may say so myself, better ones than those. Then again, she’s got about six bajillion of them, so a house just for dolls is starting to sound like a pretty good idea.
Then again (cubed), I kind of like it, too.
That bath belongs in Doom. “..and in this room we fleshcrated the walls from bodies that had a tan…”
….. I feel it must be said……. where’s the Caterpillar? isn’t he supposed to be smoking the Hookah?
I’ve always wondered what people use those millions of “living areas” for in those huge houses, I mean how many rooms can you actually LIVE in at one time?
I did however visit my son’s friend’s home once, and in the open “study” they had a Harley just sitting there, INSIDE the house, just as you walked in. Along with various posters and Harley paraphernalia of course. I thought that was kinda strange, I mean it wasn’t as if they didn’t have a 3 or 4 car garage to stick it in. My take was that the thing had never been ridden and never would be, just passed on through generation to generation.
I think I’d still rather the Harley than those…..dolls…..
is that a hookah? 2nd picture!!!!
DUDE! Russian red is one of the best reds mac has ever made. yes im serious.
i love this site<3
When I saw the dolls, the following went through my mind:
“Don’t blink. Blink, and you’re dead.”
Hahahaaa…. the “wagyu beef” comment brought on my asthma!