…and it is:
JMixx
Congratulations! With your delightful combination of evil appliances, cultish dictators, and bleakness, how could you lose? A robot will be storming through your front door any minute now. Sorry about that.
Here’s the original contest photo, and the winning caption.
“All Hail Range! Range is our Leader, Father, and Protector!”
This was the common salutation in the “Home on the Range Collective,” which demonstrated all the characteristics of a cult. Initially brought together by the passionate, heated rhetoric of Range, the cult ended in tragedy after Range’s warped interpretations of passages from The Joy of Cooking led him to preach to his followers that the proliferation of fast food drive-thrus, Chinese take-aways, and delis were “plagues” signifying the “End Times.” Ultimately, he told followers that the only way to remain pure was to “unplug.” Although Blender’s insides were churning, and Fridge was cold with fear, all of the other kitchen appliances obediently dropped down through the trapdoor. Once they were in the basement, Range unplugged them all, including his own sons, Toaster and Waffle Iron.
As is typical of megalomaniacal cult leaders, Range himself did not commit suicide, but waited defiantly on his pedestal, warning that any who tried to get him to “turn on” to the new culture would “get burned.” Ultimately, however, he burned out, and the only reason the events are known at all was that Air Freshener was left behind, instructed to tell any who asked that he was “scent to tell the tale, that the truth would not be mist.”
Honorable mentions, which means nothing but bragging rights, sorry, in no particular order, to: Jan, Elisabeth, Toni, Otepoti, Amanda, and Evan.
My sincere thanks to everyone who entered, the fine people at Shelter Pop, and to iRobot. Mwah!
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Congratulations, JMixx. I am proud to be in your company, albeit lower in the snarky heirarchy.
Congrats to all the winner! My cat is very sad I didn’t win. She was looking forward to a robot playmate
Oh, I forgot to say: I know there were technical glitches with posting comments on the website, but the people at Shelter Pop e-mailed me the entries that didn’t make it. Sorry about that.
**bows to JMixx** Well done!
I’m pretty happy with an honorable mention, myself
Congratulations, JMixx!! I roared with laughter at your entry (they loved that at work, lemme tellya), and I’m delighted you won! Enjoy the glory AND your Roomba!
Congrats to all the honorable mentions, too. You SHOULD brag!! All your entries were clever, imaginative, and very, very funny! I enjoyed them all. Sara, I don’t know how you manged to choose.
O….M…..G…..!!!!!
I do not win things. Ever.
Thank you, Sara! Thank you, everybody who sent congratulations! Thank you, everybody who got a *snork*, *giggle*, or, dare I imagine, a *rofl* at my silliness!
My Evil Cat-Beast and Ferocious Wild Indian dog should be hilarious to watch as they react to a real-live(wait…) ROBOT!! Oh, hang on a sec, somebody’s knocking at my door…
OH MY GOD HELP IT’S HUGE IT’S EATING THE CARPET HELP HELP I CAN’T HANG ON TO THE DOORFRAME FOR LO
JMixx? J?? JMixx, are you okay??????? OMG!!!
and for the next contest prize: a nice, barely-used Roomba!
Dearest JMixx — I cannot track down your email address! Will you shoot me a note? amy.preiser@corp.aol.com. Want to send you all the Roomba-licious details.
OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!
Oh nooooo!
That really was the best darn comment, ever! The air freshener touch was just genius.
*Sigh*
I only I had such talent.
Yeah JMixx! (and the rest of you too!)
now go rumba with your roomba
or is that rumble with your roombla
or ramble with your raamba
enjoy!
Congratulations, JMixx. Don’t let the Roomba roam near the Trapdoor of Doom.
It’s kinda sad that I saw this pic and instantly thought “Norway” before even seeing any tags..
Why is that so bad? Hey, I *live* in Norway and I instantly thought “Norway” before I even saw any tags! A semi-abandoned farm house in Norway, last occupied by an elderly couple who have since passed on, and the family doesn’t want the house so they’re selling it, hoping some city people who want to Get Away From The Rat Race! will buy it and fix it up. And it looks like I was pretty close to right.
People have cooked in that big hearth for generations. Somehow it makes sense to put an electric stove in there… and yet, somehow it really, really doesn’t.
umm is that a trap door??
last year we bought two electric stoves that we use on our kitchen, they are nice because they do not generate smoke ‘.~