(My LOLcat overlord wrote the headline. I really can’t improve on it.)
Found by: Sheri
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Poor Place Has Turret Syndrome
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Everyone wants to have a round bedroom. This house lets them.
It’s the Spanish Inquisition’s summer house! Complete with a fireplace in every room, for toasting blasphemers, marshmallows, or blasphemous marshmallows.
I didn’t expect that. Nobody expects that.
Hey look! A comfy chair!
And, if you look in the kitchen, you’ll find…(suspense suspense)…THE RACK!
…of Lamb
Love the blasphemous marshmallows!
They’re perfect for making sacreligeous S’mores!
And, after dinner, don’t forget the heretic-tacs, for minty breath.
Barbie’s chateau! Tho I’m not sure whats up with the dark-ages look kitchen…
Indeed, the headline is genius. Good kitty!
“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hai…..
What the…? You said to just look for the tower.”
“Yeah, Mac, around the corner, third turret down.”
I would so totally live there. And it’s about 40 minutes away from me. Anyone have a spare $5 million lying around? You could come stay any time you want…
Unlike previous mansions we’ve seen, when it comes to finishing things, these folks never have a problem getting a round turret….
ha ha ha! I LOVE this! I’m so immature. The comments on this thing are about as hilarious as the post!
P.S. Did you come up with this yourself, tuulikki because if you did I think you should take your puns on the road!
nah, I got it from a guy in the park, dressed in a shabby raincoat. but he said it hadn’t been used before.
Arch you going to say anything about the doorways??
The should have kept it like it looked while being built:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/22463140@N06/2478114593/sizes/l/in/photostream/
(In fairness, when you notice the building is made of wood with fake bricks on the outside, it’s not as impressive. I want a real chateu!)
Wow, that photo reveals that the house actually has more than the 7 turrets visible on the top photo here… there are more hidden in the back!
The listing the other day inspired me to re-read Lord of the Rings, and I just got to the part near the end of the first book where it notes that Minas Tirith has seven towers. But it’s described more as shiny/ white like in the “unfinished” photo rather than gloomy and gothic in the finished photo. And somehow I don’t think the towers were clustered that closely together! It’s like they’re huddling in fear of The Dark Lord.
http://www.bing.com/maps/default.aspx?encType=1&where1=3716+N+White+Chapel+Blvd%2c+Southlake%2c+TX+76092-2042&FORM=MIRE&qpvt=3716+N+White+Chapel%2c+Southlake%2c+TX+76092
and if you go here, and look at the bird-eye view in some of the orientations, you can see the little turret seed mounds before they have sprouted. Unfortunately they don’t show shots taken between seeds and ripened turrets.
Oh, it’s in the Dallas area. That explains a lot.
is that an orange cat in a zorro costume in image 7?
I thought it looked dog-ish?
If it’s not too personal – Tuulikki, are you a real Finn? Or a faux Finn, like me – my name is Kyllikki. My parents lived in Finland for two years, fell in love with the country and named me after their close friend- Kyllikki Salmenhaara.
no, I od’d on moomintroll as a child and am only a fee fie faux finn. But I likki your name!
Cool! I <3 Moomintroll, too. (My parents were always teasing they wanted to name me "Annikki Tuulikki Kyllikki" )
Now, THAT looks like a candidate for HappyChair!
Oh, it looks so pleased! Not sure if it is the silver spandex outfit it has on which is causing such joy, or big white car thingumies are its favorite food
I really appreciate the understated nature of this home.
Indeed. This place has all the subtlety of an Edwin Starr lyric.
**Roar!***
What is it good for?
Clearly these people are afraid of natural light. Might they be vampires? Tacky, cheap imitation faux chateaux! They really need to sell the furniture with the house to complete the look, however.
love that woodwork. now THATS how woodwork SHOULD look!!!!!!!!!!!
One turret is never enough.
Well really, why have one turret when you can have 27?
This is an older variant of the Gable Cancer endemic among modern houses, especially large ones.
That listing says it has 8.2 bathrooms. WTF does that mean?
I agree about the furniture – I especially like the double swoopy futon looking lounge chair things.
8 full baths (toilet, sink, tub and/or shower)
.2 is a half bath which means no tub or shower (some times called a “powder room” — which I always thought was kinda silly. You keep your powder in there; facial, body or gun, and you can’t keep it dry).
Silly me, I expected a half bath = .5, not .2.
But it looks like this house also has 3.2 kitchens, 8.2 televisions, and 12.2 chandeliers.
Yeah, I was like, .2 bath? Seriously? What’s that, a hole in the floor?
That’s what I was thinkin’! I mean, if this was in Canada or one of those “‘stan” countries, I’d expect to see a listing for metric bathrooms. But Texas?!?!
So what’s the conversion factor to change metric bathrooms into ‘Merican bathrooms? I’m thinking that a 2/10′s bathroom just has a sink but there’s only cold water and it drains into a 5 gallon bucket.
I’m thinking prison cell style bucket with a lid. For keeping your mad first wife in one of the turrets. Heathcliffe has moved up in the world and now has a (faux) castle
I think these people are a little too turretorial.
Thumb!
I count 10 turrets on http://maps.google.com/
Also street across the road is called Crappie Trail.
I want a rich-ass house on Crappie Trail
Yes, this is our Crappie house; you should see the stone house, which we call our Gneiss house.
Clever how they disguised the altar for human sacrifice as a badly faux-finished kitchen. When you enter the room, the giant black cross rotates upside down, pillars of flame rise up under the range hood and that deep, menacing organ music from old Dracula movies starts up.
Oh is this Ozzie’s house?
Akshully, from the outside view, I thought it might be Siegfried & Roy’s.
It was, but when Ozzy bought it he had it stone clad. Didn’t like the silver spangly look, it was too shiny for his blue glasses
But what about all those crosses? Is there a vampire problem in the neighborhood?
The crosses were probably added in 2008 when George and “Miss Laura” [bush] moved near (considering this is Texas where Dallas and Houston are near each other)..
Oh dear lord! Click on their “Map This Property” link and change to satellite view, then just try to figure out the configuration of the roof lines!
If you switch to street view, you can see the house when it was nothing but raw, nailed-together lumber. For bonus points(if you have any red/green 3D glasses), right-click on the image and switch to 3D Street View. Move up and down the street and rotate the view. Very interesting construction, LOL.
Now, go back to satellite view and use the scale to measure a little and you will discover the house is only about 50 feet from the public right-of-way and maybe 80 feet from the road. Cripes, what kind of moron builds a $5,000,000 house on 5 acres of land with no more setback than that??? Has to be nouveaux riches who MUST have everyone SEE the house so that they feel important.
Measure a little more and you find that the house is less than 500 feet from a damned CELL PHONE TOWER! When the satellite photo was shot, the shadow of the tower was almost touching the house. Once again, what kind of idiot builds a $5,000,000 house right beside a freaking cell phone tower?!?
Oh, and that road you built so close to? I hope you like traffic, since there is a huge public recreation area directly across the street with SIX, count them, SIX baseball fields, two (fishing?) ponds, a playground, and miles of jogging/walking trails. How much traffic, you ask? Well, I count at least six parking lots with HUNDREDS of parking spaces.
Yep, that is exactly the spot I want to drop a cool five million bucks on a house. Or I could buy a regular old high-end McMansion for about half a million dollars AND that castle in southern France that I have been keeping my eye on.
I could not figure out what that mess across the street was. I thought maybe it was some sort of horse rink or something. It is not like its some sort of attractive nature park.
Yes, it is built right next to a busy highway, with that weird frontage access road. Very awkward and ungraceful looking.
I was gonna say, “What a bargain!”, but then I saw it’s in Texas. If I was in Texas and had $5 million handy, I wouldn’t be in Texas for very long.
And awfully poor design. All those big windows on the first floor? How’s that gonna keep the zombie hordes at bay?
If you’re gonna build a castle for a home, build a real, defensible one. Rebar, concrete, offset-slit windows, double gates. Secret underground access, while you’re at it. Why dig that trench for the utilities and bury it, when you can just make a slightly bigger trench, give it a roof and bury THAT, and have a way to escape, should the zombie hordes gain entrance.
That’ll impress the heck out of everyone more than any ‘wanna-be’ castle.
Sounds like my old Uncle Adolf’s bunker.
I lived in a solid concrete house for 9 years. It had rebar both up and down and sideways in the concrete walls. The ceiling was plaster on metal mesh. There was NO radio or TV reception to speak of in that house. We had to move the TV next to a window.
You never thought to put up an outside antenna?
With a five million dollar castle, I think you can afford a concrete drill bit, a J-Mount, a UHF antenna and a little coaxial cable. Some caulk and miscellaneous other odds & ends to make it all look professional. You could probably afford satellite/cable TV, for that matter. And a decent sound system connected to the outside antenna, too.
Rebar up AND down! Wow!
Hahaha!!! Am I the only one who gets the pun? That’s funny.
Hahaha!!! Am I the only one who gets the pun? That’s funny!
No, there was just so much else going on…
Dammit! Dammit! *pbpbpbpbpht!*
No, you’re not the only one. I got it too.
Dammit! Hell! *twitch*
Well you know what they say…….One good Turrett deserves another!!
If I had that kind of money, it wouldn’t go to THAT house.
Creepy behind words …
Oops, I meant BEYOND words …
Tacky? Yes. Would I ever live there? HELL YES! Shockingly enough, it’s actually pretty cool on the inside. If only I had $5,000,000 to blow.
Methinks the builder was over-compensating for something…
I think this is Ronnie James Dio’s house… I saw it in a documentary and it looks just like it! But I remember now that he says that the house was built in the 80′s and this one’s from 2008. Too bad. It looks like a house he would have enjoyed.
I want this house so bad…
they could use a professional intowerior designer….
soooo baddddd , uuugghhhh. it hurts.
hey it’s only 3.9 million now
I NEEEEEEEED IT
I just can’t picture what kind of people build and live in houses like this… is it drug money? Celebrities? Oil money? Doctors? Lawyers? I can’t work it out. And I can’t imagine what their day-to-day lives would be like living in that place.. I mean, imagine waking up with a hangover and staggering thousands of metres down a crucifix-encrusted hallway into the, or a, kitchen and dropping a piece of toast in the Spanish gothic fetish toaster … I’m feeling queasy just thinking about it… I mean, who are these people???