…and it is:

JMixx

Congratulations! With your delightful combination of evil appliances, cultish dictators, and bleakness, how could you lose? A robot will be storming through your front door any minute now. Sorry about that.

Here’s the original contest photo, and the winning caption.

“All Hail Range! Range is our Leader, Father, and Protector!”

This was the common salutation in the “Home on the Range Collective,” which demonstrated all the characteristics of a cult. Initially brought together by the passionate, heated rhetoric of Range, the cult ended in tragedy after Range’s warped interpretations of passages from The Joy of Cooking led him to preach to his followers that the proliferation of fast food drive-thrus, Chinese take-aways, and delis were “plagues” signifying the “End Times.” Ultimately, he told followers that the only way to remain pure was to “unplug.” Although Blender’s insides were churning, and Fridge was cold with fear, all of the other kitchen appliances obediently dropped down through the trapdoor. Once they were in the basement, Range unplugged them all, including his own sons, Toaster and Waffle Iron.

As is typical of megalomaniacal cult leaders, Range himself did not commit suicide, but waited defiantly on his pedestal, warning that any who tried to get him to “turn on” to the new culture would “get burned.” Ultimately, however, he burned out, and the only reason the events are known at all was that Air Freshener was left behind, instructed to tell any who asked that he was “scent to tell the tale, that the truth would not be mist.”

Honorable mentions, which means nothing but bragging rights, sorry, in no particular order, to: Jan, Elisabeth, Toni,  Otepoti,  Amanda, and Evan.

My sincere thanks to everyone who entered, the fine people at Shelter Pop, and to iRobot. Mwah!

Two years! It’s been two years! Two years of this blog! Two years and I’m still househunting, which is just pathetic. But my pitiable situation is your win, and not just in an “epic win” sense, but as in someone will WIN!

What will they win, you ask?

A ROBOT.

A ROBOT THAT WILL CLEAN YOUR FLOORS.

A ROBOT THAT STOPS YOUR HOUSE FROM LOOKING LIKE A LOVELY LISTING ENTRY.

A ROBOT MADE BY A COMPANY THAT MAKES ROBOTS THAT DO UNDERWATER MILITARY SURVEILLANCE (note: that is not the model being given away).

No, not Yoyo — a Roomba! Want to win it? Please take the following easy steps.

1. Look at the photo below.

2. Head on over to Shelter Pop and explain what is happening in the photo. This is a contest of skill, not luck. Humor counts; factuality does not.

3. Check back on Tuesday and see if you won.

4. ROBOT ROBOT ROBOT.

I’m so excited about this it’s ridiculous, but come on, it’s a Roomba! The top of the line, take no prisoners Roomba! I’m not paid to endorse the robots; I really like them. I have a bare-bones Roomba and a Scooba that, sadly, doesn’t do underwater surveillance. This is a fancy new one with “anti-tassel technology,” plus it’ll clean up kitty litter. Maybe I should post an identifying photo to stop myself from stealing it and sending the winner my old one… here, behold the ANTI-TASSEL ROBOT, also known as the Roomba Pet Series 562:

Go! Go enter! Be amusing! Good luck!

Original listing found on For oss som fascineres av bildene på Finn.no.

(Sorry, no comments on this post while the contest is going on. Enter on Shelter Pop, not here.)

Man, you guys are great. Or sick, I really can’t tell the difference any more. With each entry I’d say “There’s the winner! No, there!” Those chairs and their magic eye seminars, their anticipation of strippers, their drinking problems. So sad.

It’s not easy, but… (drum roll)… the winner is:

“These chairs are still here,” the weary undertaker wispered to his wife. “Don’t they know the visitation was from 7 to 9 p.m.? If they don’t leave soon I’m going to have to turn out the lights.”

Thank you, randilee!

I’m in the mood for a contest. So here you go: three photos showing sinks. Strange sinks. Norwegian sinks.

(From these listings.)

Leave your answer in a comment. The author of my favorite answer will receive a copy of either Kyoichi Tsuzuki’s Tokyo: A Certain Style or James Lileks’s Interior Desecrations: Hideous Homes from the Horrible ’70s (winner’s choice).

1. Although I am curious about the real use of these sinks, I suspect that my favorite answer will not necessarily be the most truthful one.
2. If I can’t decide which one is best, I’m going to let some random person in my family decide.
3. You’ve got… oh… let’s say… a week. So only comments made before late afternoon (Pacific time) of Saturday, December 13th count.
4. I have to hand-approve all comments on this blog because of idiot SEO spammers, so don’t worry if your thoughtful entry doesn’t show up right away.
5. If the winner lives somewhere that make it very expensive for me to ship a book to them… um… they might just win the satisfaction of a job well done.
6. This is being done by me, just me, and not any advertisers or companies or rogue states intent on (cue: patriotic music) taking over our beloved democracy through blogs.
7. Make sure you leave some way for me to contact you if you win. If you’re posting with your Blogger or Google username, that’s enough; otherwise you should leave your e-mail address (feel free to munge it).

Whee!

Update: the contest is closed! And the winner — picked by a random family member, because I couldn’t make up my mind — is… Garrett Albright! Congratulations, Garrett Albright! Come on down!