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Archive for the 'France' Category

Rustic Charm

Oct. 17, 2011

funny real estate - Rustic Charm

Analia_the_1st says she “spotted this gem in a travel book on France.” Being as I am lazy, and also confused, I’m just going to copy the text here for those who cannot read it:

Our photographer, after a heroic trek across wooded hills, found the place boarded up — a shame, for the surprises are all inside. The owners have taken minimalism to a new level, providing a startling contrast between the richly texture exterior — with part-exposed brick-and-plaster walls and original wooden shutters — and the plain, sparkling interior. It is one open space, a sea of stainless steel and polished wood upon which float island of function: kitchen units, cupboards and furniture able to glide on air at the touch of a button, and move elsewhere according to whim. Even the beds do it, providing an experience that few have had: the hover-bed. The photograph of the front door does it scan justice; note the inclusion of a few old Roman bricks in the supporting wall. If you look carefully you can see the well-preserved bullet holes from the day the house was first opened to the self-catering public. The first renter found the house shut and vented his fury on the door. Oh well — such is life in the ‘hospitality’ business. For improved lighting, bring a torch or a hammer.

Someone was taken for a ride here: either me, or the guidebook publisher. Chances are it’s me… ah well, it’s worth it for that last sentence.

Found by:

Analia_the_1st

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For the Blind Who Also Overheat Easily

Jun. 5, 2011

funny real estate - For the Blind Who Also Overheat Easily

funny real estate - For the Blind Who Also Overheat Easily

Once again, someone has taken the whole “neutralize the house’s decor before taking photos for the listing” idea a wee bit too far.

funny real estate - For the Blind Who Also Overheat Easily

  Loveliest comment, by JMixx: Insane musical genius with scarred face and garrotte does not convey.

Found by: Julie

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Rainy Days Bring Their Own Problems

Jun. 3, 2011

funny real estate - Rainy Days Bring Their Own Problems

Unfortunately EU regulations will soon outlaw the use of Gilliam candy sticks as building materials, and the traditional French maison de sucre style will no longer be permitted.

Found by: Julie, I think

funny real estate - Rainy Days Bring Their Own Problems

Found by: Unknown

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The Fireplace Was Distracting From the Wallpaper

May. 29, 2011

funny real estate - The Fireplace Was Distracting From the Wallpaper

PAPER-HANGER BLUES

I’ve wallpapered my fireplace

Papered the chimney, too

Come on over here, baby,

And I’ll wallpaper you

funny real estate - The Fireplace Was Distracting From the WallpaperLoveliest comment, by Anodean:

I got the waaaall papered
Sticky-backed paper hung blues
Yeah, got the waaaall papered
Sticky-backed paper hung blues

Babe I’m starin’ up at these flowers –
An’ wishin’ I was stickin’ to you.

Found by: Stazzy

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The Discreet Charm of the Fisheye Lens

Apr. 1, 2011

Post and beam! Fisheye! Earth-toned fixtures! France! I have an urge to stir wheat germ into my homemade yoghurt, then go into tax exile with Mick’n'Keith. Does anyone have a pack of Gauloises, a beaded headscarf, a vial of morphine, and two dozen beeswax candles I could borrow?

Found by: me

Loveliest comment, by magdalenaperks: I was so hoping it was a hobbit-hole, but it’s just some ordinary 16th century country house in France. Pfft.

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Inflatable Igloo For Temperate Climes

Mar. 10, 2011

funny real estate - Inflatable Igloo For Temperate Climes

The problem is that while the designer wants me to think of classy scenes like this:

Instead I am thinking of classy scenes like this:

Ooh la la!

Found by: duder

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Ow! Ma Tête! Ow!

Feb. 25, 2011

Pictured in this caution-low-headroom kitchen, according to the listing:

Eat-in
Wooden floor
Stove
Refrigerator
Microwave oven
Toaster
Kettle
Coffee-maker
Closet
Cookware

Which isn’t shabby, considering the entire apartment is roughly the same size as a minivan (or, as they say in France, un mïnîvan). But it lacks a certain flair. Oooh… wait… let’s read it in its original French:

Kitchenette
Parquet
Plaques de cuisson
Réfrigerateur
Four micro ondes
Grille pain
Bouilloire élèctrique
Cafetière
Placard
Vaisselle

Ooh la la! But wait a sec. “kitchenette” is French? Are Raisinettes actually a traditional French bonbon? Do les filles et les garçons put rockettes in their shots du sling?

Found by: me

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