Analia_the_1st says she “spotted this gem in a travel book on France.” Being as I am lazy, and also confused, I’m just going to copy the text here for those who cannot read it:

Our photographer, after a heroic trek across wooded hills, found the place boarded up — a shame, for the surprises are all inside. The owners have taken minimalism to a new level, providing a startling contrast between the richly texture exterior — with part-exposed brick-and-plaster walls and original wooden shutters — and the plain, sparkling interior. It is one open space, a sea of stainless steel and polished wood upon which float island of function: kitchen units, cupboards and furniture able to glide on air at the touch of a button, and move elsewhere according to whim. Even the beds do it, providing an experience that few have had: the hover-bed. The photograph of the front door does it scan justice; note the inclusion of a few old Roman bricks in the supporting wall. If you look carefully you can see the well-preserved bullet holes from the day the house was first opened to the self-catering public. The first renter found the house shut and vented his fury on the door. Oh well — such is life in the ‘hospitality’ business. For improved lighting, bring a torch or a hammer.

Someone was taken for a ride here: either me, or the guidebook publisher. Chances are it’s me… ah well, it’s worth it for that last sentence.

Found by:

Analia_the_1st

Once again, someone has taken the whole “neutralize the house’s decor before taking photos for the listing” idea a wee bit too far.

  Loveliest comment, by JMixx: Insane musical genius with scarred face and garrotte does not convey.

Unfortunately EU regulations will soon outlaw the use of Gilliam candy sticks as building materials, and the traditional French maison de sucre style will no longer be permitted.

Found by: Julie, I think

PAPER-HANGER BLUES

I’ve wallpapered my fireplace

Papered the chimney, too

Come on over here, baby,

And I’ll wallpaper you

Loveliest comment, by Anodean:

I got the waaaall papered
Sticky-backed paper hung blues
Yeah, got the waaaall papered
Sticky-backed paper hung blues

Babe I’m starin’ up at these flowers –
An’ wishin’ I was stickin’ to you.

Post and beam! Fisheye! Earth-toned fixtures! France! I have an urge to stir wheat germ into my homemade yoghurt, then go into tax exile with Mick’n'Keith. Does anyone have a pack of Gauloises, a beaded headscarf, a vial of morphine, and two dozen beeswax candles I could borrow?

Found by: me

Loveliest comment, by magdalenaperks: I was so hoping it was a hobbit-hole, but it’s just some ordinary 16th century country house in France. Pfft.

The problem is that while the designer wants me to think of classy scenes like this:

Instead I am thinking of classy scenes like this:

Ooh la la!

Pictured in this caution-low-headroom kitchen, according to the listing:

Eat-in
Wooden floor
Stove
Refrigerator
Microwave oven
Toaster
Kettle
Coffee-maker
Closet
Cookware

Which isn’t shabby, considering the entire apartment is roughly the same size as a minivan (or, as they say in France, un mïnîvan). But it lacks a certain flair. Oooh… wait… let’s read it in its original French:

Kitchenette
Parquet
Plaques de cuisson
Réfrigerateur
Four micro ondes
Grille pain
Bouilloire élèctrique
Cafetière
Placard
Vaisselle

Ooh la la! But wait a sec. “kitchenette” is French? Are Raisinettes actually a traditional French bonbon? Do les filles et les garçons put rockettes in their shots du sling?

Found by: me

Karl Lagerfield, it seems, is a man who really likes to read. And who doesn’t have a library card.

From The Selby, via the Hairpin. More here. EDIT: and even more libraries here (via Librarian.net, just to keep the chain going).

Loveliest comment, by jamisings: Tell me he’s single and likes fat chicks. Because I will totally marry him for his library.

I keep staring at this lower photo, trying to figure out what the orange thing on the floor is. If you’re living in an apartment the size of a minivan, every item you have has to be useful, right? Every possession needs to be justified?

And then they go and get a… a… big orange dot. A scale? A Frisbee? Is it the cork sealing the hole in the floor that leads to the apartment below? Is it the secret passageway to the bathroom? Is it where the kids in the family do their timeouts when they misbehave? I do not know.
Found by: Tania

So you might be thinking this is bad trompe l’oeil in the photo above. It is not bad trompe l’oeel. It is good tromp l’oil.  Here, from a house on the other side of the globe, is bad trampe l’ouil:

Yes, it’s realistic, but is it desirable? No, it is not, and that is why it is bad tromp l’oull.

At least I hope it’s tromp l’oeil. Because if it isn’t, it means that somebody is actually selling a house that looks like that… nah. That’s crazy talk. Tramp l’oil it is!

P.S. Because I am nothing if not helpful: tromp looey.

Found by: Nina

Loveliest comment, by Stuart: I think what amazes me the most about these is that the roadrunner can go right through them yet the coyote always gets his face smashed.

Found by: Taya