Archive for the 'Japan' Category

Hey, lookee, it’s another oatmeal floor!

These Japanese apartments have the slogan of “Architecture against death,” much like I have the personal motto of “Spaghetti against confusion.” They are dedicated to the memory of Helen Keller, because… oh, God, it’s too easy. I can’t do it. Fill in your own favorite Helen Keller joke here: _________________.

On first glance the architects’ description of the apartments appears to be in English, but I speak English like a native and have no idea what

Procedural architecture is an architecture of precision and unending invention. Works of procedural architecture function as well-tooled pieces of equipment that help the body organize its thoughts and actions to a greater degree than had previously been thought possible. These lofts address and reframe, right in the midst of the workaday world, what have thus-far been intractable philosophical problems, even at times giving rise to possible solutions. Set up to put fruitfully into question all that goes on within them, they steer residents to examine minutely the actions they take and to reconsider and, as it were, recalibrate their equanimity and self-possession, causing them to doubt themselves long enough to find a way to reinvent themselves

means. Fortunately, we have Google Translate. Presuming the original to be Japanese, and translating it into English, we get

Process architecture is the architecture of the present invention does not end with precision. Works is much more than before as a very sophisticated piece of architectural features of the process equipment was considered the next possibility, help the body organize its thoughts and actions. Backward protection stages and the loft of these addresses, in the real world right, thus generating a possible solution to what so far been intractable philosophical problems at times. Put to go in it all questions of crop setting, who doubt themselves enough to find long fine them, and to reconsider such, it is actions that realign the ownership and self-poise of their to reform itself to lead the people to determine their causes.

Hope that helps. Have a nice day!

Loveliest comment, by wahnula: I spent four years in architecture school. The description is what I call “archi-babble” and one skill you must master before they let you graduate. You need to learn to express what orders your system and expose its core with a metaphor before processing the program and iterating the concept. You cannot say “I did this because I like it” or “I did this because I think it looks cool”, you need to justify your every move with archi-babble so it holds up to the inevitable pedantic inscrutability necessary for modern architecture.

Found by Kristyn, via Izismile.

“NSFW?” you say. “What is so Not Safe For Work about Lovely Listing, other than the fact that I shouldn’t be reading blogs at all when my manager thinks I’m compiling workplace impact solutions with social networking in my Outlook spreadsheet?” But no, no, not NSFW. NFSW. Not For Sale Wednesday.

Some people haven’t liked me sneaking in non-listing houses, but I can’t resist because there are so many good freaky houses out there that the homeowners refuse to put on the market for the sake of my blog (selfish bastards). So I’m going to corral them into one day. Your daily Lovely Listing schedule now goes like this:

Sunday:listing
Monday: listing
Tuesday: listing
Wednesday: Not For Sale Wednesday
Thursday: listing
Friday: listing
Saturday: Chairtuday! All Chair, all the time!

So let’s get down to our first NFSW: ta dah!

What is that there, over on the left? It isn’t… it isn’t the toilet, is it?

Oh, my. Yes, it is. I don’t think I could function there. I need a nice solid door with a lock if I’m going to use the toilet, even when I’m alone in the house. My need for la vie privée dans la salle de bains is the only thing that’s kept me out of the military. Well, that and my absolute lack of interest in being in the military, but anyway. Am I crazy for thinking the toilet really shouldn’t be quite so on display?

I am not the only uptight person. This woman has chosen to find a more secluded “little reading room,” if you know what I mean. And you do. And you regret it.

Found by: Anon (via Apartment Therapy)

(Found by Emily.)

Think that Japanese people are fastidious? Ha! Feast your eyes on this listing Emily found, and feel your outdated cultural stereotypes dissolve!

It’s a world of garbage, a world of crumbs
A world of cleaning left undone
A world we all share and it’s time we were aware
We’re all messy after all…

“Man, I’m really too embarrassed to have this portrait of grandma in the messy, messy listing. What should I do? Should I clean my house before taking the photos? No, that’s crazy talk. I know! I’ll drape a cloth over it! And then, after I take the photos, I’ll scribble over them with a Sharpie! Grandma would be so proud.”

(Found by Emily.)