(Warning: it’s all quiet and splashy and then suddenly someone says something VERY LOUDLY in German.)

Sorry, but today is Wednesday and this fish-confusing device is Not For Sale.

Question: Is this cruel to the fish? On one hand, a fish probably has terrible fear of heights and doesn’t have any clue how to get back down. On the other hand, a fish has, like, a five-second memory, and might forget that life hasn’t always been exactly like this.

Boo! It’s a bonus Chairturday! Bwa ha ha!

Found by:

ccat803

Sorry, but today is Wednesday and this Jonah-as-interior-decorator apartment is not for sale, as far as I know. You’ll have to make your own out of broken thermometers and Levenger lap desks.

Loveliest comment, by Anodean: Does it sound a xylophone scale as you walk up or down?

Found by:

sixonefive72

I was going to write a poem about how pelagically beautiful this is, but then the fish in the middle of the bookcase farted and distracted me.

(Sorry, but today is Wednesday and as far as I know this is Not For Sale.) (I am also sorry that I made a joke about fish farts. Some day I will become a less immature person, but it seems that day is not today.)

Found by:

Snake73

I know Chair’s always going on about how Burning Chair is such a life-changing experience, full of freedom and self expression and art and tribal community. But I always decline Chair’s invitations to head out there with all the Chairs; I just don’t want to see that many speeded-out Chairs, no matter how much chicken-wire and papier-mâché they wrap themselves in.

Is it safe to come out? Eeek, no! *retreats*

How about now? Yikes! *retreats*

Vroom? Oh no! *retreats*

This commute could take a very… long… time.

(Sorry, but today is Wednesday and this easily startled car is Not For Sale, as far as I know.)

Found by:

maxystone

Oh you may not think me pretty,
But don’t judge on what you see,
I’ll eat myself if you can find
A smarter house than me.
You can keep your Italianates dark,
Your condos sleek and tall,
For I’m the Hogwarts Sorting House
And I can rent them all. 

Found by:

sixonefive72

Proof that I have no artistic soul: my first thought on seeing this was “Get the DEET! Get the DEET! Oh, Lord, there aren’t enough mosquito coils in the world for me to spend time in this house.”

In the words of the immortal bard:

If this room’s a rockin’

Don’t come a knockin’

Found by:

ZeMadCatBrat

Thank goodness there’s no window over the bathroom sink. I’ve always thought those are weird — who wants people to be able to look in and see them flossing away? Nope, nope, plenty of privacy here.