Happy Not For Sale Wednesday! A few weeks in and I’m already cheating, as these are for sale — but they’re not from listings, so I say they count. Here we see what must be the best combination garden shed / pinecone ever invented:

“Would you like to commute to your office every day by just walking to the end of your garden?” asks the manufacturer. No, because that would be increasing my commute tenfold, plus once I got to work I’d be standing on last year’s Christmas tree instead of sitting at my desk. But maybe if I had one of these lovely pods…

Maybe I’m sold on the idea after all. Hmm. Do I really want my home office to be in a Womble’s head? Why, yes, I think I do.

Found by Kristyn, via Homedug.

…and it is:

JMixx

Congratulations! With your delightful combination of evil appliances, cultish dictators, and bleakness, how could you lose? A robot will be storming through your front door any minute now. Sorry about that.

Here’s the original contest photo, and the winning caption.

“All Hail Range! Range is our Leader, Father, and Protector!”

This was the common salutation in the “Home on the Range Collective,” which demonstrated all the characteristics of a cult. Initially brought together by the passionate, heated rhetoric of Range, the cult ended in tragedy after Range’s warped interpretations of passages from The Joy of Cooking led him to preach to his followers that the proliferation of fast food drive-thrus, Chinese take-aways, and delis were “plagues” signifying the “End Times.” Ultimately, he told followers that the only way to remain pure was to “unplug.” Although Blender’s insides were churning, and Fridge was cold with fear, all of the other kitchen appliances obediently dropped down through the trapdoor. Once they were in the basement, Range unplugged them all, including his own sons, Toaster and Waffle Iron.

As is typical of megalomaniacal cult leaders, Range himself did not commit suicide, but waited defiantly on his pedestal, warning that any who tried to get him to “turn on” to the new culture would “get burned.” Ultimately, however, he burned out, and the only reason the events are known at all was that Air Freshener was left behind, instructed to tell any who asked that he was “scent to tell the tale, that the truth would not be mist.”

Honorable mentions, which means nothing but bragging rights, sorry, in no particular order, to: Jan, Elisabeth, Toni,  Otepoti,  Amanda, and Evan.

My sincere thanks to everyone who entered, the fine people at Shelter Pop, and to iRobot. Mwah!

Who could live here? Why make a house in a converted water tower?

It’s tall! So very tall. So tall one must scroll down and down and down…

Clearly there is only one possible explanation. Here, let me show you with my excellent Photoshop skills:

Ahhh… now all is clear.

Found by Kristyn.

Top Tips for Real Estate Agents: a Year-End List

(in which I reuse old posts for educational purposes)

1. Flush the toilet.

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2. Put your pants back on before taking the photo.

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3. Clean up if the house isn’t in good shape. Vaseline on the lens is not the answer.

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4. Look, we presume there’s a toilet. We don’t need to see it.

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5. No, really. “Pants on” is a pretty basic rule when it comes to real estate agents at work.

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6. New toilets don’t cost that much. Maybe you should buy one, if they’re that important to you.

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7. Keep the photos relevant. I’m sure your pets are charming but, unless they transfer, don’t include them in the listing.

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8. How’s this for a compromise: include a photo of the toilet only if it’s not where one might logically expect to find it.

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9. You’re going to keep on using toilet photos, aren’t you? I give up. Is there a support group you could join? Maybe you should start one. You could meet here:

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Thanks for an excellent year, real estate agents! I couldn’t do it without you. And remember…

10. …it never hurts to include a photo of Chair.