Lovely Listing - Odd Finds in Real Estate Listings » New Jersey

I’m So Tired of Trashing This Kitchen, I Need a Nap

Sara — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 12:00:37 +0000

…And this is how you fit three bedrooms into a 1,345 square foot house.

Loveliest comment, by Anodean: “Sell-able” is a sort of theoretical term in south Florida.

Found by: junk

Do the Cialis Goats Convey?

Sara — Thu, 19 May 2011 12:00:37 +0000

I can’t top the description that was written by Sarah (not to be confused with Sara, nor with Not Sara, Sorry), who found this:

One only hopes it comes with the house. Wait. No, that is the opposite of what one hopes.

$1,395,000 and this four bed, four bathroom house in New Jersey is yours.

Found by: Sarah

Via: www.mlsfinder.com

Maybe He Should Put Some Clothes On?

Sara — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 13:00:48 +0000

Things you should remember to have your inspector check for when you’re considering buying a house:

- Insufficient insulation in the attic
- Rafter damage in the attic
- Insane first wife in the attic
- Naked hairy guy in the attic

Although not deal breakers, you would want to make sure it’s clear who would pay to fix these flaws before going through with the sale.

Found by: K

Does This Place Look Comfy or What?

Sara — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 13:00:36 +0000

We see you when you’re sleeping

We know when your house is for sale…

OK, never mind. I’m creeping myself out here. And it’s really not fair. Who among us hasn’t had one eggnog too many and passed out on the sofa after inviting a real estate agent in?

Found by: Howard

Loveliest comment, by Dominic: Truly bizarre listing – you keep thinking ‘surely they won’t add just another shot of the front’ but bam! there is it!

Found by: Unknown

Via: www.realtor.com

What, You Want to See More? Buy the House!

Sara — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 13:00:24 +0000

Here we see one of Atari’s less successful games for the 2600: Real Estate Adventure.

(Here’s a link for you young people who don’t know what I’m talking about. The frikkin’ down arrow on my keyboard doesn’t work, so I can’t vouch for the game. At least not their version. I spent hours playing it back in my youth, but on a messed up Atari that showed the wrong colors, including one Adventure screen where you were a grey cursor on a grey screen. Extra challenging!)

Welcome to our three-bed, two-bath house in New Jersey! bleep… bloop… bleep… oh no a dragon!… bloop…

Listing here.

Found by:

sillyoldbear

Via: Weichert Listing for Haddon Twp. NJ #5797480

Picasso Loved Pool

Sara — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 13:00:30 +0000

This is my quest
To pocket that 8 ball
No matter how hopeless
No matter how distracted by the wall…

Loveliest comment, by Denita TwoDragons: Fresh from an afternoon spent demolishing a nearby wind farm, Sancho and Don Q relax with some mojitos and a rousing game of nineball.

Found by: eoconn

Via: jerseyshore.craigslist.org

Just Put Those Windows Wherever

Sara — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 12:00:40 +0000

Sometimes I like to sit with graph paper and carefully design my dream home. And other times I sketch my dream home on the back of a cable bill while sipping from a pitcher of gin and tonics.

If I ever have a chance to build my dream home, I really must remember to hand the correct plan to the builders. Things can turn out so… quirky otherwise.

Found by: Sarah

Loveliest comment, by JMixx: SALE! SALE! SALE!

Joe’s Mis-Matched and Odd Lots Window Frames, Sashes, and Glass is having THE SALE OF THE CENTURY!!!!

Don’t miss out on this opportunity to cut odd-shaped holes in your house!!!!!!!

Couldn't Decide Which Shade To Go With…

Cheezburger Network — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 18:40:04 +0000

Oh, no, sweetie. You’re supposed to pick just one color from the paint strip, not the whole set. But if you’re going to do this, why not go all out and include the labels:

Found By: Jenn

The Profundities of Real Estate Listings

Cheezburger Network — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:18:03 +0000

We have creation:

Summer:

Fall:

And, inevitably, death:

But wait! It doesn’t have to end there! For we have spring, and rebirth (cue: choir of angels):

Ah, all of creation, right here.

Found by Scott (sorry, no working link), Sarah, Anna K, Sara K, and Wesley C.

The loveliest comment, by Land of shimp, is right here…

Recently Painted You Say?

Cheezburger Network — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:40:22 +0000

My husband just came in and asked me what my plans for the day are (I’m writing this on Sunday morning). I told him I was planning on scraping some moss off the roof, putting it in the blender with some buttermilk, mixing it up, and then painting the resulting goop on the cinderblocks I used to build a raised-bed garden last week.

He seemed to think this was an odd response.

Then I said I needed to do Monday morning’s blog post first.

“Maybe you could do something about moss,” sez he. I might have detected a wee touch of sarcasm.

SO THIS POST IS HERE JUST TO SHOW HIM THAT YES, I CAN DO A POST ABOUT MOSS.

Because look! It’s moss! I’m not the only person who thinks moss is pretty! A real estate agent in New Jersey likes it so much that he or she featured it in the listing for this condo! And wrote that the condo was “freshly painted,” clearly meaning “freshly painted with a moss-and-buttermilk slurry!”

MOSS SMOOTHIE FTW

I’m sorry you all had to witness this.

(Submitted By: Melissa C.)

Loveliest comments, by JMixx and Johanna in exile, need to be seen in context.