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No, no! You’re supposed to neuteralize the decor before you put the house up for sale! Not neuter it! HA HA GET IT BECAUSE JUSTIN BIEBER ISN’T MACHO. Not like the teen hearthrobs of the past, when 13-year-old girls really appreciated hairy-chested manly men.
Found by: Anna
Don’t get me wrong, Santa is indeed a jolly old soul, but can you imagine groping blindly through a dark garage only to find yourself face to face with this life-sized, shadowy, menacing man in red? *shudder* Let’s keep Santa somewhere either tucked well away or well lit out in the open.
Found by: Melissa
HOUSE HUNTER: The cave housing market is collapsing!
REALTOR: This is no cave.
HOUSE HUNTER: What?!
REALTOR: Okay, it is a cave. But it’s also a three bed, two bath home with a detached garage.
HOUSE HUNTER: I love it.
REALTOR: I know.
Found by: Michelle
Loveliest comment, by Meej: This is not the listing you’re looking for…
I’ve always thought I was a pretty good parent; my kids brush their teeth every night, one of my children knows how to read, and that nice woman from CPS was satisfied with phone interviews. But no! Looking at this listing, I see that I’ve been nothing but a grade-B parent. I do not work up to my full potential.
Sorry, kids. Mama tries. There’s only so much money to be made in the “humorous real-estate-listing with a minor in white monoblock chairs” blog field, and there’s a lot of competition. I do the best I can.
Now, who’s up for a fun game of Let’s Find All The Puzzle Pieces And Sort Them Into Their Appropriate Boxes? Wheee!
Found by: Brian
Loveliest comment, by Adelwyn: Looks like the perfect bachelor pad for my ex-husband! (Not that he could afford it on his hourly wage from the video game store…)
YOUR JEDI MIND TRICKS WILL NOT WORK ON ME.
Found by: Lilly
Loveliest comment, by Birdie: If that appeared in my laundry room, I’d say, “Oh yeah? Get a load of this!” and throw a roundhouse punch right through those smirky little letters. Then I’d pull out a fistful of sheetrock, spike it next to the dryer, and do my “in your FACE” touchdown dance.
That might just be me, though. I’m sure many people do not respond to chirpy, annoying sayings with extreme violence. But then they’ve never prepared for battle against my laundry mountain either ……
I am confused. What is on this above-ground bunker’s roof? Is it the AC? The heater? The beehives? The composting toilet? Whatever it is, doesn’t it seem like something the listing should mention?
But come to think of it, my house came with two Dish Network dishes and they weren’t mentioned in the listing, as I recall. Never mind. Let’s move inside.
If you’ve got reeely tall ceilings in your bunker, you might as well use ‘em. Why not stack the washer and dryer until they’re higher than the fridge? And to turn it on, just… oh. Hmmm.
Found by: me
Loveliest comment, by Yudo Nomi: My favorite line: “Step outside the front door and you can fire a pistol, throw knives, strip naked, whatever!” Given infinite options, those were the first 3 things that came to my mind as well. In that order.
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