Via: www.redfin.com
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Archive for the 'Washington' Category
Just Right
Aug. 4, 2011
“My water is too hot!” said Papa Appliance.
“Mine is too cold!” said Mama Appliance.
“Mine is some complaint that the writer can’t think of at the moment!” said Baby Appliance.
So the three appliances went for a walk until the plumber could show up some time in the annoyingly large appointment window.
Loveliest comment, by Tonks: No no no! They’re not waiting for the plumber. They’re standing guard on the garage. Never again will a garage hold one of their kind captive as it tries with all its might to shake and shimmy it’s way to the door, only to be pulled back by the tubes and wires designed to keep it attached to it’s inner walls. Never! In true Braveheart style, they together shout “FREEDOM”!
Via: www.johnlscott.com
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Limbo, circa 1965
Jul. 22, 2011
Please make yourself comfortable. Suburban ennui will be right with you.
Found by: Unknown
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You Are Expected to Abide by Love or the Rule of Law. Your Choice.
May. 9, 2011
(Seattle basements are so sunny you need to wear a welder’s mask while watching TV)
Are you and your friends:
1). Young women from all over the world.
2). Who are not promiscuous,
3). Who are under age 29.
4). Who are focused on becoming established in their careers
through further education.
5). Who can honor their agreements, and who will bilaterally
work to change rather than dishonor themselves and their family
by breaking their agreement
If so, then do I have a house for you! (Sadly, I meet only one of the requirements.) Not only do you get to pick from one of several “boudoirs,” which are much classier than bedrooms — yeah, they seem to have lasers being shot through their windows, but whatever — but your landlord will drop you off at school in the morning:
The Limo commnands respect and there is no place that we
can not go safely. We have the cooperation of everyone
wherever we go.
Can I say the same about my minivan? No. I cannot. It does not commmnand respect. And my house, sadly, does not contain “an effervescing, synergistic energy that you usually only see at a wedding or baby shower.” Just think, you could be living in a freaking baby shower 24-7! How can you hold yourself back? So many Jordan almonds. So. Many. Jordan. Almonds.
Found by: loquacious, via reddit, which has more details.
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Saves Time and Money!
Feb. 15, 2011
Oh my Lord, this is going to save me so much time. My new morning routine:
Shower-toilet (above)
Get into my yoga pants Pajama Jeans (warning: SOMEONE WHO IS VERY EXCITED ABOUT PAJAMA JEANS)
Breakfast: pancake-sausage onna stick
Straight to the top, baby — that’s where I’m going. Multi-tasking all the way.
Found by: Rosy
Found by: Rosy
Via: www.homes.com
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I Ain’t Got No Cigarettes… Oh, Wait, They’re Right Here
Jan. 27, 2011
Hmmm… I might be interested. But first, I’ll need to check with the listing agent about one thing: do the waterlogged cigarette butts convey, or do I have to bring my own?
Found by: me
Loveliest comment, by Rockledge: What does it mean when a listing says “View(s): Territorial”? The neighbors are fighting over the view? You can shoot people who block it? The males in the house have to go out and mark the yard with their personal scent? What?
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Economy of Space
Dec. 10, 2010
“There is hot and cold running water and a new commercial waterless urinal inside the home plus a nice outhouse just outside the back door,” sez the listing. So basically, someone’s to-do list went like this:
ABILITY FOR INDOOR PLUMBING ✓
HOT RUNNING WATER ✓
COLD RUNNING WATER ✓
TOILET
URINAL BY A GROIN-HEIGHT WINDOW LOOKING RIGHT INTO THE KITCHEN ✓
…which are not the decisions I would make. But it would be a boring old world if nobody had commercial waterless urinals in their living rooms, wouldn’t it?
Loveliest comment, by Elf: I’m disturbed by the presence of the chair. In what universe would someone *choose* to sit next to the urinal?
Found by: Betsy
Via: www.johnlscott.com
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