…and it is:
JMixx
Congratulations! With your delightful combination of evil appliances, cultish dictators, and bleakness, how could you lose? A robot will be storming through your front door any minute now. Sorry about that.
Here’s the original contest photo, and the winning caption.
“All Hail Range! Range is our Leader, Father, and Protector!”
This was the common salutation in the “Home on the Range Collective,” which demonstrated all the characteristics of a cult. Initially brought together by the passionate, heated rhetoric of Range, the cult ended in tragedy after Range’s warped interpretations of passages from The Joy of Cooking led him to preach to his followers that the proliferation of fast food drive-thrus, Chinese take-aways, and delis were “plagues” signifying the “End Times.” Ultimately, he told followers that the only way to remain pure was to “unplug.” Although Blender’s insides were churning, and Fridge was cold with fear, all of the other kitchen appliances obediently dropped down through the trapdoor. Once they were in the basement, Range unplugged them all, including his own sons, Toaster and Waffle Iron.
As is typical of megalomaniacal cult leaders, Range himself did not commit suicide, but waited defiantly on his pedestal, warning that any who tried to get him to “turn on” to the new culture would “get burned.” Ultimately, however, he burned out, and the only reason the events are known at all was that Air Freshener was left behind, instructed to tell any who asked that he was “scent to tell the tale, that the truth would not be mist.”
Honorable mentions, which means nothing but bragging rights, sorry, in no particular order, to: Jan, Elisabeth, Toni, Otepoti, Amanda, and Evan.
My sincere thanks to everyone who entered, the fine people at Shelter Pop, and to iRobot. Mwah!
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