Who on earth would live in such a blue, blue house? Clearly:

Or maybe:

It’s the only possible explanation.
Found By: Heather
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Who on earth would live in such a blue, blue house? Clearly:

Or maybe:

It’s the only possible explanation.
Found By: Heather

I stayed up far too late last night watching eevil watery life forms take over Mars (on TV! not in person!) and then my kids woke me up unbelievably early this morning and now my Anthropomorphisis is flaring up big time. Because some people might look at this listing and thing, “Wow! Wadda foyer!” or “Hey, isn’t that the most expensive residential listing in the US? Think I’ll buy it!” or even “My goodness, Brenda and Dylan sure brought in the big bucks for the Spellings,” my first thought is fear. Pure fear.
And then confusion.
Because I swear there’s an evil snowman staring at me, but I can’t quite place it. It’s like this:

But not quite. Argh, who is it? It’s not Sam the Snowman:

And it’s not Bumble, either:

Anyone? Tell me I’m not alone in this… so alone. So very, very alone.
Found by: Sara
Loveliest comment, by Snarla: Looks a bit like evil robot Santa on Futurama.



Okay… I see what they were going for there… but they could’ve done more. Nobody’s sick of my showing off my art school degree yet, right? Great! Here we go!


Ahh. Much better.
Found by: PJ Fry
Loveliest comment, by Lazlo H: I was saddened to find out that Transmorphers is not actually a transexual porn flick based on the Transformers, but is just a cheap action movie.
That’s “Sparkly Forks” as in “It’s About Forks, Washington, and I’m Thinking About Sparkles,” not as in… uh… this:

Oyster fork used, because I have so much savoir-faire it’s un-freaking-believable. Anyway. Behold! Forks! And the surrounding area!

So… close… just a little bit further and I’ll get that fern…

“If you are looking for a getaway… this may be the one for you,” says the listing for this cozy little home. Which is true, but still: is it wise to advertise hideyholes so publicly? Or are they hoping that Police Chief Swan doesn’t have Internet access?
Moving on. Yes, some people especially people who live in Arizona and write novels set in places they’ve never visited think that Forks is the rainiest town in the USA. But look! The sun! It comes out! Sometimes. Okay, fair enough, not that often. In fact, it comes out so rarely that when it does the local real estate frantically take photos of it.

Behold! The sun! *sparkles*
Finally:

My, my. What a delightful three bedroom, three bathroom house you have for sale. I’ll take one, stick my kids in the other, and my husband can take the third one to work every day, kinda like this:

P.S. If you don’t know why I’m doing an entry about Forks and sparkly things, just ask your local teenager. Me, I’ll be at the movie theater very very soon, swooning away (and not just because I’m going out beforehand with my good pal Vitamin R).



From the tilted perspective to the baby doll about to sign a contract, that photo leaves me anxious and confused. I shall ignore it and move on to the bathroom. What could possibly be strange about a bathroom. Tum te tum… OH MY GOD!

LOOK AT IT!! LOOOOK!! (Or, as they say on eBay, L00K!!!) It’s Shower 2000! Fortunately I have the manual right here. Let me show you a scan from the Owner’s Guide to Showering in the Future:

I would totally get one, but I wear glasses and can’t even tell my shampoo and conditioner bottles apart when I’m in the shower and I’m afraid I’d accidentally hit the “Post to YouTube” button some morning before I’d had my tea.
Found By: Nathalie
Loveliest comment, by Denita TwoDragons: Manual states: “This shower takes 1.21 gigawatts of AC current. Optional Gallifreyan plug adapter not included. The company is not responsible for injuries incurred at speeds above 88 miles per hour.”

Oooh, it’s tempting. A nice hot tub there in the living room, just the right spot of kicking back under the air conditioner… but the real estate agent forgot to play up the best feature. Fortunately I have my Excellent Photoshop SkillsTM to help the agent out with:

There. Now I’ll buy it.
Found By: Emily
Loveliest comment, by Quark: Another bonus is that you can wash the cat or dog without getting the bathroom all messy.