Archive for the 'sparkly vampires' Category

“Perfect for any sophisticated Buyer!” says the listing. Especially perfect if the buyer is all pale and moody and sparkly and got into his mom’s makeup. For yes, this is the house of the creepy stalker dreamy vampire Edward Cullen. Or it would be if he weren’t (look away, Twihards) fictional. I, of course, do not admit to familiarity with any of the books or having seen any of the movies, because I’m above all that. Anyway.

Here’s where the Cullens keep their books, which they throw at their guests in the hope of inducing paper cuts. They hang a beach towel on the wall in memory of when they last went surfing.

Here’s the kitchen where the Cullens prepare their strict raw vegan diet:

This nubby-floored room is where they practice sliding into home plate:

Nobody knows what this room is for:

It is a mystery.

Found by: me

Loveliest comment, by Charlene: There must have been one heck of a sale on potlights at Rona in 2001, is all I’m sayin’.

That’s “Sparkly Forks” as in “It’s About Forks, Washington, and I’m Thinking About Sparkles,” not as in… uh… this:

Oyster fork used, because I have so much savoir-faire it’s un-freaking-believable. Anyway. Behold! Forks! And the surrounding area!

So… close… just a little bit further and I’ll get that fern…

“If you are looking for a getaway… this may be the one for you,” says the listing for this cozy little home. Which is true, but still: is it wise to advertise hideyholes so publicly? Or are they hoping that Police Chief Swan doesn’t have Internet access?

Moving on. Yes, some people especially people who live in Arizona and write novels set in places they’ve never visited think that Forks is the rainiest town in the USA. But look! The sun! It comes out! Sometimes. Okay, fair enough, not that often. In fact, it comes out so rarely that when it does the local real estate frantically take photos of it.

Behold! The sun! *sparkles*

Finally:

My, my. What a delightful three bedroom, three bathroom house you have for sale. I’ll take one, stick my kids in the other, and my husband can take the third one to work every day, kinda like this:

Linkedy-linkedy-linkedy-link.

P.S. If you don’t know why I’m doing an entry about Forks and sparkly things, just ask your local teenager. Me, I’ll be at the movie theater very very soon, swooning away (and not just because I’m going out beforehand with my good pal Vitamin R).

PROSPECTIVE TENANT: I don’t know… the windows seem a bit small.

OWNER: No, no, they’re nice and big. Airy! The apartment is positively airy.

PROSPECTIVE TENANT: But the windows! Look at them! They’re about six inches tall.

OWNER: Clearly you are mistaken. Look at the curtains! Nobody would put such long curtains on six-inch-tall windows, would they?

PROSPECTIVE TENANT: I see your point. I’ll sign the lease now, please.

(Found by Christian and Gareth.)